Lament the idol rider
Memories arise while one
Browses the aisles
A roadside gift shop
Search for the perfect
Piece of Identity
Dark hair
Dark eyes
Scent of sage and chocolate
Strong Arms
Wind blew in through
The Cracks
We looked upon
Rolling Hills
Jade Forests
Through grease-smeared glass
And Paradise resides
Beyond the Next
Blind Curve
Keep Scratching
Keep Detaching
You'll Strike A Nerve
Someday
Ten years since the day we parted and I forgot to say Hey! 2024 has just been that way. Spinnin' wheels, stuck in reverse. I truly do think about you all the time, except for this year I completely forgot about commemorating your Rainbow Bridge journey. With your sister by your side, I bet the days are jam-packed with roughhousing, lounging, snacking and snoozing. Hopefully there's a system in place so you and lil' get lots and lots of belly rubs.
Your Pa and I have been playing lots of guitar and singing songs to basically keep us out of trouble, but if we get good the plan is to become buskers and travel around in a camper van. You'd have made a great assistant going around to our throng of spectators with the donation hat between your chompers. Too cute with all your salt and pepper ringlets! We'd be sure to sing around the campfire, too, since you always loved going on trips to the beach, mountains and everywhere in-between.
I'm going to let you get back to playing and/or resting. I can't believe I almost let this yearly post slide right on by. You might know this already, but your Grandma passed in June and the days have gone all wonky. Like kids are back in school! It's been tough keeping track of things. You be good and know we think of Our First & Curliest Girl all the time.
Still raw from saying goodbye at the beginning of the month, but it's gotten a bit easier to breathe. Been receiving lovely messages from friends wanting us to know the many ways in which you helped them and provided countless good times that'll last as precious memories. I've been going through letters and photographs and that's been a good way to process all the jumbled emotions. Here are a few snapshots of the Summer of 2012 when you came to visit on your cross country drive to see Barb & Bernie. That was a solo trip you wanted to add to your list of I Did This! You did reach your destination and had a grand adventure with stories to share when the new school year started.
Speaking of road trips, I'm looking for the photos from our family vacations. I'm including this link because not only is it a beautiful story, but it's also about a place we visited to camp and fish. The Tuesday mentioned in the article made my breath catch in my throat.
I'll check in soon with more pictures and thoughts.
It's been two days since you left this place to start a new journey. Odd thing, time. It holds no meaning, serves no particular purpose Right Now since I'm bouncing all over the place with all sorts of Memories & Thoughts. I'll be sharing snippets and photos for a while until I can write a proper thing to describe who you were and what that means to me. I've reached out to the Indio & PacNW crews and those good folks have told me how much they love/admire/appreciate you. They've all relayed similar messages about how you helped them become better people, both for themselves and their loved ones. That's a pretty cool thing for your pals to feel and pass along.
I'll keep this ramble short, but wanted to share that the date you took off for greener fields adds up to be The Number Nine:
Nine is often associated with completion and fulfillment. It represents the end of a cycle, suggesting that something has reached its full potential or purpose.
And yes...I'm still playing guitar...
What comprises generational trauma?
- Alcoholism
- Death by Suicide
- Denial
- Depression
- Drug Addiction
- Lack of Education
- Misogyny
- Poverty
- Racism
- Rape
- Schizophrenia
- Silence
Make a list of self-sabotaging behaviors.
Procrastination. Analysis Paralysis. FoMO. Poor Time Management. O.K. With Being Not Okay. Stare / Compare / Go Nowhere. Cheerleader for Everyone But Me.
Imposter Syndrome. Don't Always Speak Up Because People Comment On My Vocabulary? Inaction-Due-To-Distraction. Not Always Up For New Experiences.
Squirrel!
Survival, trials, experience are shades across the spectrum that make you/me not understand me/you. Common ground shifts with each step.
The sentiment meant something in the moment
And the moment's gone
wedding bells sound the news your body's been found
scatter rice
throw the dice
vegas resounds with tourist traps and vice
while the tides rise along the left coast
fishing boats are lost at sea
now it's just you and me
to navigate this soundscape
without your discordant chords
Sometimes it takes a kick in the teeth to realize the thing you were good at as a kid is the antidote to being:
afraid, bored, cowardly, destructive, early, fretful, greedy, humiliated, indignant, jaded, kiboshed, late, misunderstood,
needy, obstinate, puerile, querulous, recreant, sad, tormented, unkempt, vitriolic, wishy-washy, xenophobic, You, zombified.
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