Zoë saw the Out-of-Timers everywhere. They were not hard to miss. Any number of Timers could be spotted wearing suits of armor, or crinolines, or tattered animal skins. Along with the numbers of visitors increasing each day, there was the number itself. That number. They all had a 4 etched or embroidered somewhere on their person. Even the Neanderthal sightseers had dark blue lines scrawled in the shape of a 4 tattooed on their arms. What do they want? Zoë wondered as the #63 stopped to pick up downtown-bound passengers. A battle ready samurai was the last man to board the bus, and he sat down next to Mrs. Rao. She didn’t even look up from her paperback romance. Zoë rose from her seat to approach the imposing figure that was adjusting the broadsword strapped to his back.
"Uh, hi. I was admiring your costume. It's very authentic looking. Must have cost you a fortune. Is that a four inscribed on your breastplate?" The samurai didn't acknowledge Zoë as she stood in the middle of the bumpy bus pointing at his chest. "I don't mean to be rude," she continued, “but there have been people dressed up in all sorts of getups lately, and, well...I think I'm the only one who can see you." Zoë looked over at Mrs. Rao who was lost in the story she was reading, her lips forming the words as quickly as her eyes plucked them from the page.
"Yes. That is the number four, and yes, you are the only one who can see me." Zoë jumped and stumbled off balance at the man's sonorous reply. There was an echo hanging on the air of the stuffy bus, but no one else heard the samurai speak.
"That's good to know, I suppose. Can I ask you why you're here? Is there something I'm supposed to do? If I can help in some way, maybe you and the others can get back to where you belong." The samurai frowned as he looked at Zoë. He sat staring at her for a time, engaged in meditative, deep breathing that caused Zoë's pulse to race.
"'I'm not supposed to bear this mark," the samurai said as he looked down at the ornate four tooled into the leather of his combat attire. "The others are like me. We have lost our place in the telling of things. You know how to put us back in good standing. Why else would you have opened the gate?" It was Zoë 's turn to stare at the samurai. His words were a puzzle and her quick, shallow breathing was making her lightheaded.
"Right. Me and those damned gates. I should know better than to go near those things."
And now for something completely different…the reviews for my Unit 7 assignment!
FORM
student1 → Flows nicely and is easy to read. Nice choice of words. (Grade: 2)
student2 → Grammar: good. Usage: good, Structure: perhaps less than good. I can't tell that paragraph 2 is saying anything different in scope from paragraph 1 Paragraph 5 seems to be intended as a summary of what seems to be the thesis which seems to be about "manifest destiny." But in that summary, you use the word "destiny" in the first sentence and "manifest" in the second sentence but neither word, used separately, has any connection (in meaning) to the particular meaning of the idea "manifest destiny" which applies to particular goals of the United States as a country, in the nineteenth century.
student3 → The exposition and argument laid out are not clear. Sentences need to be revised to make sure they are coherent. It will benefit the author to improve word usage.
student4 → your conclusion has to be taken care of... you can end your essay more effectively.
Score from your peers: 2
CONTENT
student1 → Your thesis is well stated and well supported. Showing that Carter and Nicholson are “poster boys for Manifest Destiny” is clever and insightful. One point that makes your argument weaker is the final sentence: “However, not every dream can manifest itself, and many are left behind in the mad dash towards exceptionalism.” This final sentence is more a statement of your belief than it is an argument for your position. Perhaps a better ending would have shown that Carter and Nicholson had far different results when manifesting their destinies. (Grade: 2)
student2 → As described under structure in my comments on form, it is hard to figure out what your theme really is and, therefore, whether you accomplished the goal of supporting it. There is a lot of descriptive ideas about Carter and Nicholson but those ideas do not support your thesis, assuming it is to elucidate the idea of manifest destiny. If it isn't then you did not clearly state your thesis to me and that is even worse. I would have to say that this essay rambles. Finally, I don't think the personalities of Carter and Nicholson are the main thrust of the novels. Their thrust is to talk about the different versions of utopian societies each character is discovering. I would like to have read an essay about that, but would accept an essay about the character of the two men, had it been more than rambling, unconnected ideas satisfying a thesis by means of logical structure that winds up proving or at least supporting your thesis.
student3 → The argument is not persuasive when comparing the two tales, deep understanding of the insights is not reflected. I believe the writer will need to focus more on concrete details. With a little work your essays will improve.
student4 → your style of comparison is really good... both the characters have the same kind of characteristic traits.
Score from your peers: 2
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