Semi-Daily Scribbles

slipshod

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can I Have Your Number?

A number on the bathroom scale does not determine health or warm fuzzy nudges of "I am the best lookin' bitch on the block!" Rather, how many times I can walk around the block before I get winded is my measurement of cardiovascular wellness. This bipedal mode of locomotion is also a super way to decipher what my back, knees and feet feel compelled to share at any given turn. HAPPY 2018! HAPPY I JUST CELEBRATED MY ___ BIRTHDAY! Again, numbers can be a confusing language when discussing health, and whatever the opposite is. But I will throw out a figure which will help in the writing of this here Love Letter to the Body: 22. There was a time, not so long ago, when I supported an extra 22 pounds on my 5-foot-nuthin' frame. Pleasingly Plump I may have been, but according to this I was overweight, and my numbers (damn pesky things!) sucked. Yeah, this was also a prolonged Blue Period, too. At a heavier weight, I was three pounds away from a number I knew was my Point of No Return. Once I hit that designation on the scale, it was only onwards and upwards for me. My health history and decades of family photos provided all the data I needed to choose a course of action.

Today I feel just right, someone in an official capacity thinks my numbers are acceptable, and I get asked at work what size pants I wear. Unless you plan to buy me a pair of jeans, I humbly submit: What the fuck? Ah, shaming. It does a body good (as in it doesn't really do anything to me, but the numbskull flapping her/his gums apparently gets a boner.)

For the remainder of my journey, I want health and well-being to take center stage, not a dress size or any kind of movement other than that of the bowel. Now to get my Hashtag Game on:

#FoodIsFuel
#HealthNotHate
#KnowYourFamilyHistory
#SayNoToTheShameGame

An Expected Perspective

- Stir the pot.

- Leave.

- Repeat.

My takeaways from the pep rally are:

1.) Expect a shortened lifespan for having spent so much time on my ass, and;
2.) I stayed for the people.

It is difficult to get all rah-rah-sisboombah about swapping out the signage since Harvey & Irma came to visit.

Think perspective.

Thank your lucky stars.

Stage Fright

Second Acts. Encores.

Whatcha gonna do when you no longer have to punch a clock? I don't golf. The thought of a cruise ship holiday makes my butthole pucker. I've been making art since I was a child, so that's not going to change, but neither will it pay for my upkeep in old age. Old age ... what does that even mean in the times we are a-livin' in? My definition of old age is to put your years of experience to work in the service of others. Serve a greater cause than living the good life of a retiree (if you're lucky enough to have a big ass nest egg hidden somewhere.) But even if you do have a big ass nest egg hidden somewhere, answer me this: What need do you fill? I've been meditating on this question recently, especially as another year is streaking by. In six months I'll be another year older. Will I be any wiser? We'll see. Last week I had A Defining Moment that screamed in my face: Stop shoehorning yourself into situations that are only intended to dole out a paycheck. Yeah, I know, I've got angst in my pants. But this pantser is finally becoming a plotter. I need to plan out the next 20 years of my life with care.

Back to that Defining Moment, though. Eliza stopped me in the hall and asked how do visual and performing arts help her daughter excel in STEM? Well, music is math/math is music, so there's that. But the real answer, which I conveyed to Eliza, is that humans must exercise both hemispheres of their brains in order to build the world we'll be living in 50 years from now. It does not do to just be good with numbers. One has to dream a need into awareness, and then provide the blueprint to address it. That takes some pretty beefy creative muscles. Let's just hope the dream, the need, and the execution of a solution makes for technology that enlightens rather than enslaves us, but I'll save scribbling about that for another day. Eliza then asked "how do you have all the answers?" and "can I look inside your head?" Whenever we have water cooler chats she always learns something. According to Eliza, I'm a very good speaker and listener. She let me know should I ever become a psychologist, she wants to be my first client. Word of Mouth! Pay it Forward! Food for Thought ...

As I research next steps for non-retirement, fields of study that have long held my fascination are coming back into the picture. I'm being invited to pick up loose threads and weave a narrative that'll manifest a nourishing future. It is true. We return to Source eventually.

Presentation

Ok Melody, listen up. Truthie Ruthie here to help an old friend.

 

You don't get a second chance to make a first ... Quick! First thought that popped up ... I wonder where my copy of A Confederacy of Dunces is I read in college and carried around with me like an In Case of Emergency tampon? Let me jot down a few thoughts about the internal and external worlds. After sleeping in you didn't go to work because you thought it was your day off. TRANSLATION: boss man says let's put this flake on the shortlist to get riffed (always happens Qtr4). What really occurred? You stayed up all night putzing about with your novel. I mean, c'mon! That's the real work, right? WRITE WRITE WRITE!!! Your endearing yet off-putting dreamy far-away-ness (Ooh, and the way you listen. Eyes wide, head bent, lips doing that funny pucker thing. You ain't heard a word I said, but boy do you put on a good show!) is due to you living in two realms at once. You can bounce between one plane of existence to the other, but it leaves you breathless and blurry around the edges. People just think you're a messy mouth-breather. They give you a wide berth but think you're friendly enough. OBSERVATION AND A BIT OF UNSOLICITED ADVICE: We are all judged and we are all judgmental. The trick is to own your quirks and prejudices and know you are whole in spite of your disheveled self. This is why when someone offers you love, take it. BUT BUT BUT!!! No overthinking. THE CHOICES: Be you or be someone else. You're in for a ride no matter what (don't worry sweet cheeks, you're still my girl.)

Thursday's Ponderous Thoughts

Is Height-Weight Proportionate a thing anymore? I'm curious because I've been called out for my shape-size-stature (all 160 centimeters of me) in recent years. I never heard comments regarding my shape-size-stature back in the days when ... well, more people were HWP. I'm not even sure I understand what Body Positivity means. I am positive I have a body (which is a cumbersome thing, by the way), but I reckon the term means self-acceptance. I do believe you need to love yourself because humans are flimsy creatures and to whom/what they claim loyalty frequently shifts. Just because you refrain from berating yourself, however, doesn't give you license to kill yourself with kindness. Want to make changes in how to navigate this life? You know what to do.

 

Anyway, back to me. I've decided not to feel guilty anymore when I wear my size S clothing. I won't get defensive when called Stick Woman, or when my boss comments on the fact that I "obviously don't eat." I have more important things with which to be concerned. And so do you.

Oh, one of these days...

What if real life is what happens after 0s and 1s are planted in cloudy, fertile soil? Soil that is weightless, tasteless, clean? Your body is merely a delivery system for sweet precious data. Your blood is weak tea. Your content is meat and veg and apple pie à la mode. Eat up, World!

You are invisible on land, but in the cumulus and nimbus you are immortal royalty. Upload! Behold! We are all so very exposed. Rejoice!

April's Work

April sings us to sleep with her raindrop accompaniment. All is blustery and wild outside while we dream of abundant fields. April laughs at our wistful reverie. She wonders how we could possibly think one day can serve her. One day of remembrance is a mockery. April is budding beauty kept evergreen in poetry and postcards. A puddle, a pool, a landslide, a flood. Soon these tools April uses to subdue us will be lost. The wind will finish the work April begins. Earth receives its tribute as we toss and turn in restless slumber.

observation

the power of observation can bring great joy and balance into one's life. it can also raise an alarming number of questions. when encountering a situation, neurons fire and I begin to babble as the thoughts bubble up and outward, reaching at least one human I will never meet. por ejemplo:

*who's causing all these cracks and why are people falling through them?

*habits, ruts, and rituals tarnish the brightest optimism. steer clear of complacency and look at things with a sense of wonderment. this takes daily practice because it's a hard skill to master.

*a routine that eats up a lot of time is navigating this waking space. from what I can tell, consciousness is an interactive training module for the eventual state of perpetual dreamtime.

observing the world around me with a new set of eyes.

A Voyage of Imagination

10 essays have been submitted and graded by my peers. I’ve had a grand experience reading, writing, and getting to know a few of my classmates during this Coursera adventure. I’m still processing all of the wonderful resources that magically poured forth from my laptop these past several weeks. I know the lessons learned while participating in this MOOC environment won’t even be fully absorbed and appreciated until sometime off in the future. Then, when I least expect it, an essay comment, or lecture point, or forum discussion is going to hit me between the eyes and burrow into my brain. It is sure to be the correct piece of information digested at just the right moment for me to finally say: “Aha! Now I get it!” I’m counting on that clear insight to help me achieve a couple of goals **cough…manuscript languishing in the desk drawer…cough** and to keep my “reading for meaning” skills sharp.

I extend a most hearty Thank You! to each and every one of my peers who received an essay of mine to review. It was a big commitment of time, and I’m very pleased with the feedback that was returned to me. I know I’m lucky that my work never ended up in the clutches of one of the roaming SuperTrolls who lurked the halls of our virtual institution of higher learning. Their insensitive remarks while grading papers made this class experience not so nice for many students. Shame on you, SuperTrolls!

And now…drum roll please…here are the peer assessments for my “Little Brother” essay, the final assignment for Fantasy and Science Fiction: The Human Mind, Our Modern World.

FORM

student1 → Fairly well written, although the the first sentence is somewhat convoluted with the two 'as' clauses. Describing the protagonists as " inquisitive, creative, intelligent, and enthusiastic," you state these qualities "set the stage for a revolution." I think you need to make a stronger case for this argument.

student2 → You write well and express ideas clearly with conviction. Good to have the citations for us to refer to.

student3 → This sentence should have an exclamation point at the end: What a revolutionary idea to level the playing field as opposed to simply playing games.

student4 → The argument is presented well in the beginning. I liked the angle you were taking. The sentences are clear.

student5 → everything is ok.

Score from your peers: 2

CONTENT

student1 → Although the book definitely has its own agenda, I do not agree that it is the same as your agenda: " bringing basic means of communication to those less fortunate, both in the U.S. and abroad." I think the book sparked your enthusiasm for a global initiative through technology. I think the message of the book was the need for privacy over security.

student2 → I appreciate your views and found it very interesting to think about in response to reading the book. However, the guidelines for writing these essays states very clearly: "Do not use the essay as an occasion to discuss non-literary matters that fall outside the course reading and the process of reading."

student3 →

student4 → I started to understand your ideas. I am not sure though what you mean by the greater good of humanity. Is it the freedom of the internet or is it the ability to think outside the American ideal? I assume you are saying his skills would have been better used to promote poorer countries. I guess we all have this problem of trying to get an idea in a small amount of words. I though the Doctorow book very USA in focus - self centred. However it was interesting the ideas of individual freedom. .....a lot of people do not have that in the world at the moment.

student5 → I like your essay, so it is really difficult for me to say something specific.

Score from your peers: 2

Please write here any other comments which you feel might be of use to you or the writer of this essay.

student3 → It's a good thing I looked at the date of your blog, because I thought you were another plagiarizer.